Well we’re 5 days in and so far so good. All I have to show for it thus far is an assortment of bruising on my lower abdomen from each injection. I was hoping to get another post up a couple days ago, but time has gotten away from me.
We have a lot on our plate these days. Other than our current IVF journey, my Dad is also battling brain cancer. He was diagnosed 3 years ago with an inoperable brain tumor. He did well until December of 2014 when the tumor became resistant to chemo and meds. His prognosis is short, time is precious, and every free moment I have is spent with family. I continue praying that God would give us grace through this time. Grace that we would be able to get through this IVF cycle smoothly without any bumps in the road, and grace that we would be able to share wonderful news with my Dad at the end. When we decided to proceed with IVF this cycle of course we were hesitant, and worried. We prayed for many things especially, if it was His perfect timing He would keep the door open, but we also prayed that if it wasn’t meant to be then God would close the door. We are taking life day by day right now.
We are trusting His timing, His plan, His wisdom. I’m learning through these trials to give God the reigns every.single.day.
Today was a hard day. I know I have enough going on in my life to have reason to break down and cry, but I know it doesn’t help that I’m essentially a walking hormonal time bomb at the moment. There is nothing harder than watching your parent suffer. Brain cancer is unlike other cancers in the sense that it is like losing someone before losing them. It has robbed my Dad of his short term memory, his ability to think of words, his ability to create sentences, his ability to comprehend, and also his physical strength. He has seizures on a daily basis. I could go on and on, but for now I won’t. Before I get in too deep and my tears keep me up all night, I’ll wrap it up.
Writing has always been a good release for me, a way I can express my raw emotions and feelings in a way that has always felt less complicated. I’ve never been very good at verbalizing my feelings. As I continue this blog of infertility, miscarriage, IVF….I will also share other pains and joys of life. Infertility has defined such a part of who I am, I don’t doubt fellow suffers will agree it consumes every part of you in ways you can’t even explain. But, there are other trials that God has used to grow me in ways I never imagined. I didn’t want to struggle with infertility, I didn’t want to have miscarriage after miscarriage, I didn’t want to have to go through IVF, I especially didn’t want to have to watch my Dad suffer from terminal cancer. No one asks for these things, these are things people pray would NOT happen. But these are the “things” that God has used to mold me into who I am becoming. They have become such a part of me.
On the IVF home front we are almost a week in, and in just 2 short weeks we will be at our retrieval/transfer! So exciting, I wish I could hurry up and fast forward these next 2 weeks for several reasons, but on the other hand I am going to slow down and soak up every second of every day. I am super excited that last night was my last birth control pill. I’m sensitive to it and for many reasons I am SO happy to be done. For those of you wondering why I would be on birth control when I’m trying to get pregnant and go through IVF- it is actually the first step in the IVF process so that the doctor can get your cycle under control. I was on it for about 5 weeks. So now it is just the Lupron shot every morning until next Monday when I will start my Follistim, and steroid. Every day is one day closer!
I will ask all I can, to please pray for my Dad. These days are getting very hard and I would just ask that you pray for his strength, hope, and that he would have more good days than bad days. My Mom and Dad are planning on driving up to see me tomorrow rather than me driving down there. I am so so excited. I’m going to be praying every second from now until tomorrow morning, that he would have enough strength to feel up to coming.
I wasn’t quite sure what this post would entail tonight if I’m being quite honest. Sometimes I know exactly what I want to say and other times I have no idea where to even begin. But I’m learning to take things day by day.