Well, it’s official. Today I am 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
We found out when I took a test on Monday the 18th and it was positive! My first beta wasn’t until Friday the 22nd, but the pee stick addict in me just couldn’t resist. I wouldn’t have even made it that long had it not been for the fact I didn’t have any tests at home. I was at the store and figured, why not? I knew if I saw a faint positive I would wonder if it was the trigger or the beginning of a positive but was praying for a nice solid line. It was 6 days post 5 day transfer so I was pretty sure the trigger would be gone and any hint of a line would indicate our little munchkin(s) were growing in there! Sure enough, I got a nice solid line! Dark enough I knew it was positive. The emotions that came were much different than the very first time we ever found out. That time was a surprise because we had just been told by a doctor we would need help and bam, positive! This time around we expected IVF to be successful given all we had going for us. I was so excited to see the line and very much relieved but also felt myself somewhat shut off my ability to really be joyful until I knew things were progressing. When I shared the news with hubby after he got home from work he was also excited but you could sense the same bit of reservation in him as well.
The next morning I took another test and it was darker! The next day, same thing (I’m not even going to share how many tests I took in total…but don’t judge I know some of you have the same problem). I even took a clear blue digital that said pregnant 2-3… I was starting to feel a bit more like this was “real”. On Friday I was so excited to get my beta done and finally know those numbers! I went in at 10 for my blood draw and at 11 my nurse called and said “Well your number looks excellent, it’s 317”. I was thrilled! I could breathe easier knowing the number was high and not questionable! She said the number is indicative of “TWO”! When we began this IVF process we decided we were happy with however many God would bless us with, multiples or not!
My Dad hasn’t been doing too well so getting this news was so incredible. I never knew with the timing of IVF if it would all work out and if I would be able to share this news with him, and I can’t tell you how much it means to me that I got to tell him I’m pregnant! I put a pacifier in a box and on the top of the inside wrote “January 2016, Pink, blue, or maybe two”. We called hubbys parents on the way down to Houston. We knew we weren’t going to be seeing them for a few days, and his mom kept texting me asking if we had results. They were so excited to hear. We went to Houston on Friday afternoon and were able to share the news in person with my parents. I really didn’t think I would have the opportunity to tell him again so it was a very special moment. He’s still not doing well and each day gets a little harder. He’s slowing down, and he doesn’t understand many things so conversations have become very hard. I’m just glad we had the time together this past weekend that we did. I had to come back to Dallas for my second beta and intralipid infusion on Tuesday the 26th (yes I had to wait 4 days for my second beta due to the weekend and Memorial Day… waiting was hard).
I went in Tuesday morning, more nervous than I was for the first beta. The second beta has always been the toughest part for us. The number usually hasn’t doubled, or it declines. So waiting for that second result was much tougher than the first, but I was just trying to remind myself I need to trust God and so far I’ve had no reason to think anything is going to go wrong. Once you’ve been through a loss or losses, it steals the innocence of each following pregnancy. I’m trying to just be at peace with everything and not pay attention to if I “feel” pregnant or not. The hubby and I were at lunch when the nurse called with my second beta results. My heart dropped to my stomach when I saw her number. “Congratulations your beta needed to be 1260, and it is 1418 so everything is looking great!” I can’t even tell you the sigh of relief I took! I felt like I could finally start enjoying this pregnancy! When I got off the phone I couldn’t contain my smile I was so thrilled at the great news, we finished our lunch and right next door was BuyBuy Baby so we decided to run in and walk around. Definitely helped this feel a little more real and it was just nice to feel like we were both relaxing and allowing ourselves to accept it and not be so guarded!
My first ultrasound is Tuesday 6/2! That ultrasound will check for how many gestational sacs there are…one or two!? We keep joking that even though we transferred two..one or both of them could’ve also split so there could be 3… or 4… but that would really be something. For now we are thinking one or two. I will be reassured after Tuesday and seeing our baby/ babies on that screen. I have another ultrasound scheduled for 6/9 which will check for heartbeat(s)!
So far I have been insanely bloated…like can’t button my pants…already look 4 months pregnant (and not in a cute way)…can’t suck it in..type of bloated. I wondering if that is part of the OHSS returning or just part of possibly carrying multiples. I’ve been exhausted to the point of napping during the day, and I’ve definitely been hungry….for some pretty weird things. I usually have quite the sweet tooth but right now I’ve wanted nothing sweet only salty, sour, and savory foods. I haven’t had any morning sickness except for feeling yucky here and there a few times, maybe it will kick in in a few weeks or maybe I’ll be able to avoid it all together? We’ll see! It’s still hard for me to not think, am I still pregnant? I don’t feel as tired today so does that mean I’m losing this one? My breasts aren’t as tender today as yesterday, does that mean it’s over? I don’t “feel” pregnant is this really happening? It’s hard to not have those thoughts, but I’m really trying to just stay focused on the facts and trust The Lord each moment!
It is still very surreal to me to even be posting that I am 5 weeks preggo. I know many who read and follow my blog are other Infertility, RPL, and miscarriage strugglers so I know how hard it can be to see someone else’s post that they are pregnant. After all we’ve been through I’ve learned that we never know who is struggling and my purpose is never to flaunt it, but at the same time we should be joyful and praise God for the blessing He has given us. For those of you struggling please know I’m still praying for you.
As of today I’m feeling good and anxiously anticipating Tuesdays scan where we will officially know how many are in there! It sinks in a little more each day and I am trying to remind myself that I just need to thank God for each day I wake up and I’m still pregnant! If you would, please pray for us to have a healthy, successful pregnancy!
Oh, and my due date is 1/28/2016… the day after my birthday! Obviously if it’s twins I won’t make it that far…. could be Christmas babies! Either way it will be the best Christmas or Birthday present I could ever hope for.
We are SO very grateful for this/these blessing(s) He has given us and we are praying for His protection though each passing moment!
Love to all of you ❤