Oh the little things I took for granted, such as the grocery store. That’s right, the grocery store. You thought I was going to get all deep for a second there.
I’ve never loved grocery shopping, but in the months following a newborn, the two times I have gone to the grocery store alone has been a pure VACAY lemme tell ya. Seriously, I know you other moms feel me on this one. I never thought I would enjoy grocery shopping so much until I went alone after having a baby.
Make my list, get in car, drive to the store while listening to loud music, get out of the car, walk in, get a cart, occasionally stop at Starbucks (because who doesn’t like grocery shopping while drinking a fancy delicious overpriced drink?), browse through the aisles, take my time looking at all the pretty packaging that catches my eye (well done, marketing, well done), stop and browse my phone, heck even talk on my phone because who cares if it takes me 2 hours to grocery shop, re-think my list…is there anything else? Walk up to the cashier, flip through a trashy magazine while waiting, load my groceries onto the belt, refill my cart with the bags, head out to the car, load up groceries, put cart away, get in the car, find the perfect radio station, drive home, unload groceries.
Make my list while simultaneously trying to do five other things like possibly nurse, make a bottle, get dressed, hold sleeping baby, or feed myself, make sure baby has a full belly, change diaper, put baby into the carseat, double check the diaper bag and put everything you could possibly need for the next 10 years into it because after all it is the grocery store and you’re gonna need it, start to leave, realize baby just had a blow out, get baby out of the carseat, change their diaper, clean carseat, put the baby back in carseat (now cautiously taking note of how much time you currently have left before baby is hungry again and start to panic), load up the car with baby and diaper bag, get in car yourself, realize you forgot the list, go back inside to get said list, drive to the store without loud music because baby ears are delicate and if your baby is anything like my baby he/she doesn’t particularly care for loud noises, get to the store and debate with yourself how much you need, if it was a few things taking baby in the carseat with the cart would be fine, but since you need a lot you now have to get baby out of the carseat and into the carrier so that you have room in your cart for groceries, walk in to the store and bypass Starbucks because you know your baby and you know that you’re on borrowed time for nap/getting hungry and you now have 23 minutes and 11 seconds to shop (but you seriously consider it anyway), take out the list and mentally make note of the fastest way to navigate through the store picking up each item on the list, all the while hoping and praying baby will fall asleep, someone pulls a cart out and the back of the other cart comes crashing down, scared baby starts crying and you try to calm them down while trying not to think of all the people looking at you and so now you start to sweat, baby calms down and soon falls asleep, quickly navigate through the store checking off each item on the list, a sweet little grandma spots you with your baby and you know she just wants to get her hands on your babe, you try to back down the aisle but its too late, she can’t help herself and rubs baby’s back while baby is strapped to you and you know this touch will wake your baby especially the sound of someones voice, sure enough baby wakes up, and you are instantly annoyed that the sweet little grandma who is admiring your baby had to wake him up when he could’ve slept soundly while you finished shopping, so now you race through the store grabbing random items and hope they’re on your list but who the heck cares because at this point you know baby is going to be getting hungry and a PB&J for dinner never hurt no body, you make your way up to the check out and this time only glance at the tabloids because you’re hurrying to get everything on the belt and into the car before a scene erupts, load the grocery bags back into the cart, head towards the car, load up the groceries, load up the baby, drive home anticipating how great its going to be to go to the bathroom because you have had a baby strapped to you the whole time and haven’t been able to, get home, unload the baby, if baby is fussy try to find a way to entertain baby while you at least get all the cold groceries into the fridge, then go pee (finally), sit down to feed baby, and decide you don’t want to go to the grocery store again for at least a year. Oh, and you forgot the one main thing you went to the store to get (eye roll & sigh). So PB&J for dinner it is.
The first time I went to the store alone after having a baby, I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. Freedom y’all. For real. Kudos to all you Mama’s out there especially the ones going to the store with a wolf pack. I feel like there should be some secret hand wave or head nod as we pass one another.
Now I’m exhausted just thinking about going to the store. I’m going to go take a nap. Wait, no, no I’m not I have a baby and he’s waking up…
Better go make those PB&J’s.